Busted! Parts 1 & 2

Busted—Part 1

Last night I did a little bit of work after dinner. While I was downstairs, Sophie came to visit. She was in her monologue mode.

Sophie: (pacing in circles and occasionally rifling through the things on my desk) ...We're going to put on a play and I need you to sew me costumes that are Chinese or Asian and there should be one for me, one for Lucy and also one for Ava plus there will also be snacks and the twins will come but I'm going to tell them that they can't talk or the play will have to stop and one time they tried to hit me with their sword but it's only plastic so it wouldn't hurt but they're not supposed to hit people with things, right? And I want to get Squinkies to use in the play because they'll be pets, like little pets and we should sew them costumes too...

Then I let a teeny, tiny fart.

Sophie: Squinkie costumes will be Chinese too and we'll have to make them a bed where they can sleep and maybe we should get the Squinkie house too and you need to say, "excuse me," because I heard it.

BUSTED!!!


Busted—Part 2

This morning when we got to Sophie's school, Hazel (our ancient, evil dog) made a jail break. She has been coming to school all year and has never once tried to get out of the car. Today she went running around the parking lot and made a beeline for the playground. She totally ignored me—because she's both insolent and deaf—and then proceeded to take a giant poop on the school's grass. Thanks Hazel.

I left it there, raced Sophie to her classroom, and cleaned it up later with a spare diaper. Hazel then passed noxious gas all the way to Ava's school. It was so bad that we had to ride with the windows down even though it was about 50 degrees outside. By the time we got there, I was ready to hurl and I was a little bit afraid of what would await me when I got back from taking Ava to her classroom.

Me: I hope Hazel doesn't fill the car with her toots.

Ava: Hayo toot in tar. (Hazel tooted in the car.)

Me: I know.

Ava: Hayo poop Fifi tool. (Hazel pooped at Sophie's school.)

Me: She did.

Ava: DAT NAH NIE!! (THAT'S NOT NICE!!!)


Ooooooh...Hazel gets schooled.